I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
