if i can run in heels then i can drive
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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