Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
