Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
