I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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