every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
