I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
