Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
