I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
