no, he came in my armpit
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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