Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
