i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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