my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
