mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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