Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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