It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
