Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
