If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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