I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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