He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
