Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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