the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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