This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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