He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just cropdusted the office
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
