I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
