So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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