would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
