Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
