What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
