Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
