John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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