If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
