Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
