He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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