i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
