After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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