is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
