Banned from zoo.
Again?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
