Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
