Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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