whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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