Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
