Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
