Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
