No stitches, just platelets and will power
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
