i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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