Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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