You made me cry and you don't even care
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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