Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
