I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
