You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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