i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
