dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How external is "for external use only"?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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