The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
