I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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